Talking to Kids about Puberty



See also: Are you an Askable Parent?

Educator and author (see below) Lynda Madaras feels that parent's lack of knowledge and embarrassment prevent s them from talking to their children about puberty. Parents should think about these talks as a series of conversations rather than one "big talk." It is best to spoon-feed children bits of information, beginning when they are about 5 years old.  "If a child hasn t asked ‘Where do babies come from? by then, it s time to tell them," says Madaras.

For girls, puberty typically begins between the ages of 7 and 12 and for boys between ages 9 and 14. Even if your child has not started developing, children notice those who have, If a boy friend has a mustache or a girl  friend has breasts, then a child will notice and wonder about themselves. Most parents would rather be the person who passes on the information about puberty to their children, rather than getting misinformation from other sources.

Over the years, books have become great icebreakers. It is less embarrassing for both the parent and the child when the facts are printed on a page.  And remember, parents do not have to read the entire book at once, just sections at a time.  A good time for discussing body changes is when a child reaches age 7 or 8. The best approach is a casual, spur-of-the-moment one. Bring up the topic when it seems natural to do so. In addition, it is important for parents to talk to their daughters about male puberty, and to their sons about female puberty. Remember, your child is going to have many feelings about the changes occurring in their bodies.

Every child, develops according to his or her own biological clock.For most girls, the first sign of puberty is "breast budding" at about age 9 or 10. Her first period will begin about two years after breast budding. The average U.S. age for starting menstruation is 12 1/2, which means that 50 percent of girls will have their first period before the end of seventh grade—and many will begin menstruating in the fourth or fifth grade. Body hair begins growing about the same time as breast budding. Onset of puberty for boys ranges from 9-14 years with the average age being 11 1/2. Surprisingly, the first sign of puberty in boys is not acne nor is it growing taller or getting hairier. The first sign of puberty is actually one that most boys (and certainly their parents) don't notice and that is the testes begin to enlarge. Shortly thereafter, increase in pubic hair, the growth spurt, and increase in penile length begin.

Talking to our children about puberty not only helps them feel better about their bodies, but gives parents a chance to talk about their own "family values." During your talks, look for opportunities to boost your child's self esteem by praising their strengths during this challenging time. Here are a few suggestions:

• Relax and be yourself. You and your preteen or teen may both feel awkward at first, but getting started is usually the hardest part. It may help to acknowledge your nervousness and say something like, "When I was growing up, I had a lot of questions about what was happening to me." Let your child know you've been there.

• Recognize that you can't fit everything into one major discussion. Let the subject come up naturally. A TV commercial about feminine protection, for instance, can be a conversation springboard. If you hear your son talking to his peers about a girl's breast development, casually raise the topic yourself next time you are alone with him.

• It is much easier for your child to absorb information a little at a time.

• All preteens and teens wonder whether they're normal. Clearly explaining what physical changes to expect will reassure your son or daughter that they are developing as they should. Make sure you know the facts yourself. Take a quick refresher course on the physical aspects of growing up so you will be better prepared to answer any questions.

• Select one or more of the books below as a way of starting a conversation:

As a reminder, this information should not be relied on as medical advice and is not intended to replace the advice of your child’s pediatrician. Please read our full disclaimer.