When the Crisis in Iraq Strikes Home

It is impossible to shield our children from the news concerning Iraq. What kids do not see in the media they hear on the playground or during current event discussions in school. Learning about the situation and the plight of refugees, especially children, can often cause our kids to experience stress, anxiety, and fear. While children cannot be completely protected from outside events, parents can help make them feel safe in the world around them.

As with all tragic and catastrophic events, we need to talk to our children in different ways depending on their age, according to St. Petersburg psychologist, Herb Goldstein, PhD. "Children absorb more than we think and exposure to images of the problems in Iraq, without some discussion, can lead to confusion and fear for their own safety," added Dr. Goldstein.

"Do not initiate a conversation about Iraq with children under the age of 5 or 6," cautions Dr. Goldstein. "It will only frighten preschoolers." Discuss it only if they raise questions, and then in the most general of terms. Appropriate things to say to this age group are comments like "these people are sad because their homes were taken away. We are lucky to have a safe home like ours. Fighting with other people is never a good way to solve problems."

For children between the ages of 6 and 10, parents should approach the subject in simple terms, Dr. Goldstein advises. A young child's understanding of the issues is limited by their experience and developmental stage. When discussing the situation in Iraq, it is important that parents make their child feel safe and secure. Let them know that we as parents will never let anything happen to them. Dr. Goldstein advises parents to help kids understand how far away the problem really is in terms they can understand. "For example, if it takes three hours to drive to Grandma's house, you can tell your youngster that it will take 800 hours to drive to Iraq." Reassure them that living in a big country like the United States makes it very unlikely that something like that will happen here. "Always stress to your school-aged child that hurting others is never an acceptable solution to any problem," added Dr. Goldstein.

However, if the school-aged child asks questions, respond by indicating how you feel about the situation. If you agree with current United States policy in Iraq, tell your kids that it is important not to let bullies hurt other people. If you disagree, indicate to your child that it is important for people to talk and listen to others instead of using force.

Regardless of your political views, any discussion about the situation gives parents the opportunity to talk about fighting as a means of resolving conflict. Ask your youngster to think about other solutions when people disagree. When discussing these issues, however, be aware of your youngster's concern about violence and their own safety. Again, make sure you reassure your youngster about his/her own safety.

With preteens from 10 to 12 (or perhaps some 13 and 14 year olds), an honest discussion continues to be important. Parents can be more direct about expressing their opinions, regrets and concerns. Bright adolescents can deal with the complex realities of weapons of mass destruction and their intent. But the key is to discuss: introduce your ideas and concerns, but let your child express his/her opinions and objections.

In additions to the issues, talk with your older kids about patterns in history. Relate the stories about dictators and what happened in Nazi Germany during the Holocaust. A visit to a Holocaust Museum can give parents the opportunity to talk with their older children about the similarities and differences of United States involvement in these situations.

Additional guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics for parents for minimizing the impact of watching news of the crisis in Iraq include:

• Make sure you have time and a quiet place to talk if you anticipate the news is going to be troubling or upsetting to your child.
• Ask your youngster what he/she has heard, how he/she found out about it and what questions he/she may have about the conflict.
• Provide reassurance regarding your child's own safety (the conflict is thousands of miles away, you are safe in your home, etc.) In simple words emphasizing that you are going to be there to keep him/her safe.
• Look for signs that the news may have triggered fears or anxieties, such as sleeplessness, abdominal pain, headache, fears, crying or talking about being afraid.
• Let your child know that what is happening in Iraq is confusing and complicated and sometimes even you do not completely understand it.

As a reminder, this information should not be relied on as medical advice and is not intended to replace the advice of your child’s pediatrician. Please read our full disclaimer.