Raising Self-Assured Teenage Girls

Adolescence can be a challenging time for young women. Their reactions to the physical and emotional changes that occur during puberty often depend on how they feel about themselves. Those with the strongest self-esteem are less likely to engage in socially unacceptable behaviors. While mistakes are made by all teenagers, those with the most self confidence will learn from them and adapt their behavior, rather than repeating the same mistake again.

When teenage boys in our society are faced with a period of low self esteem, they continue on with most of their normal activities: they still take that hard math class, try out for the football team, and interact socially with their female counterparts. Young women, on the other hand, react differently when faced with this challenge. They become indifferent, withdrawn, quiet and depressed. Helping teenage girls feel good about themselves during these periods is therefore an important function that adults can serve. The payoffs are impressive: young women with more self-esteem will have an easier time resisting negative peer pressure. They will be better able to deal the physical, emotional, and social ups and downs that typically occur during the teen years.

Several large studies have shown girls aged eight and nine are confident, assertive, and feel good about themselves. This is probably due to the more mature social interactions and skills that females have developed up to this time, especially when compared to their male contemporaries. Surprisingly, these same girls emerge from adolescence with a poor self-image, a narrowed view of their future, and less confidence about themselves and their abilities. This is where adults can be the supportive bridge in transforming these pre-teenagers into confident young women.

What controls the development of a healthy self-esteem in teen girls? According to a recent study, physical appearance was the most important factor. If they are not attractive (by someone else's standards), many girls feel worthless and helpless. Popular culture floods young girls with images of the ideal female figure, personality, and social skills – all of which are mostly inappropriate and unobtainable. The result is not surprising . . . in order to maintain this ideal of perfection, girls become obsessed with their physical appearance. The extreme reaction in some unfortunate girls is a dependence on diet pills and the development eating disorders. Young women see movie stars or situation comedy characters as models on which to shape their social interactions. Unfortunately, the behaviors of these "role models" are often biased toward the disrespectful and promiscuous.

There is no doubt that women continue to make great strides toward equality with men in our society, politics, and workplace. It is therefore surprising that this has not translated to a greater sense of self esteem in our female teenagers. In fact, current pressures on women to simultaneously maintain dual careers, with motherhood being one, may be eroding the confidence of teenagers to "have it all." Seeing their mothers struggle with this issue while facing society's criticism may be behind our daughter's frustrations.

Another factor that can lower some teenage girls self esteem is the loss of community. We used to live in cities where everyone knew each other. Now 72% of Americans don't even know their neighbors. Our children are always among strangers. They may only find community in gangs with others who share a negative self-image. Furthermore, when everyone in your community knew whom you were, people acted more responsibly. This just doesn't happen among strangers. Other changes in our society, such as divorce, drugs and alcohol, seem to have affected teen girls much more than boys.

Hostility in the school hallway is another factor lowering a young woman's self esteem. If you think sexual harassment in the work place is bad, just wonder the halls of any high school to see and here what our young women endures. It's a game for boys to harass girts and sexual assaults on girls is at an all time high. Boys feel "macho" and think they are more popular if they harass girls.

It is therefore easy to understand why many teenage girls are more concerned about impressing or pleasing others rather than themselves. Here are some ways parents can dramatically increase their daughter's chances of success by building their self confidence and self-esteem:

1. Have frequent talks with your daughter. Take the phone off the hook or go for a walk. Spend time with them one-on-one.
2. Encourage them to participate in sports and community service. Encourage achievement, but avoid putting undue pressure on your daughter.
3. Permit her to make important decisions at home
4. Put her in situations where success is guaranteed.
5. Provide opportunities for her to interact with adults in a confident manner (for example, include her in an occasional adult only event)
6. Respect your daughter's feelings and encourage her to share hers with you.
7. Share your own beliefs and values with your daughter. Tell her what you learned from your mistakes and successes.
8. Set clear rules and boundaries, but try not to be overly harsh with your words or punishments.
9. Always offer praise when she make good choices compliment them for their competency at doing things.
10. Dads should help promote a "go-for-it" attitude and help their daughter appreciate the role of her mother, whether she is working at an office or in the home.

As a reminder, this information should not be relied on as medical advice and is not intended to replace the advice of your child’s pediatrician. Please read our full disclaimer.