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| Quick reference medical handouts used
by Pediatric offices |
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Innocence Lost: Helping your child cope with tragedy
by Lynne Reeves Griffin, RN, MEd
As we faced last month's horrific national news, virtually every parent had
questions about how to help their child cope with such unbelievable events.
Do I shield the eyes of my child, or do I help them try to understand? What
do I tell my child? Could my child have a delayed reaction to this tragedy?
So many different questions have been raised in light of these events; here
are some suggestions that should give you guidance in helping your child
to cope with tragedy.
Proactive Strategies
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Keep in mind the age of your child. A young child will be only be
interested in the events if it has a direct impact on his life. An older
child will be better able to grasp the implications related to the current
events. Don't be alarmed if your child is disinterested in the news, she
has no frame of reference for these events and will find it difficult to
stay interested in intense matters for very long.
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Expect different reactions. You have heard me say repeatedly…No
two children are alike. Each child will react and be effected by what's going
on in our world in different ways. Remember, your child has no experience
dealing with something of this magnitude and is learning some coping mechanisms
for the first time.
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Tell your child about the wide range of reactions. Just as you must
respect each child's unique reaction, so too must your child. Let your child
know that each adult or child will cope differently and that you expect her
to understand.
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Check in with your child periodically. Ask your child what he knows
about the current events, and if he is worried or concerned about anything.
Your child may only have concerns as the events of last month begin to
unfold.
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Invite questions. Your child needs to know that she can come to you
with questions no matter how difficult those questions may be.
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Be honest. Answer your child's questions truthfully but try not to
give your child information that he will find disturbing or difficult to
understand. Don't be afraid to tell your child that you don't know the answer
to his question. It is better to be honest than to make light of his question
or concern.
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Role model respect and tolerance. While it is normal to be angry about
what happened, your child will be watching your reactions and listening to
your opinions on what should happen next. It is very important to demonstrate
respect for other cultures and discuss peaceful options for resolving
conflict.
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Role play how to handle situations that are fearful. This proactive
strategy is helpful in giving your child an opportunity to work out fears
and practice ways to handle stressful situations.
Conflict Strategies
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Keep to your routines. Your child's behavior may be affected by disrupted
routines. Maintaining typical schedules and attending regular activities
will help everyone in the family to feel a sense of normalcy.
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Set limits on anxiety. Never minimize your child's fears, yet help
your child find ways to be able to do what she needs to do without feeling
nervous.
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Give your child outlets for their feelings. Your child may need an
outlet for the overwhelming feelings he is having. Using a journal, drawing
or just playing a game of basketball may be helpful in expressing pent up
feelings.
Societal Strategies
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Limit exposure to media. Infants, toddlers and preschoolers especially,
should be protected from violent and graphic images. School age children
should always be supervised in front of the TV and radio, and even with older
kids, watch the events with them so that you can be there if they have
questions.
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Turn to neighbors, friends and family for support. Spending time with
other people grappling with the difficult situation can be very comforting.
It is also important for your child to have other adult role models and support
systems to turn to in tough times.
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Rely on your faith community. Learning that faith can be a source
of comfort and strength helps your child cope with tragic events. Connecting
your child with a spiritual family will serve her well through this and many
other life situations to come.
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Find a way to give support to those impacted by the tragedy. Writing
letters to victims' families or donating to a relief fund can help your child
actively work through his emotions.
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Look for long term effect. Depending on how directly your child has
been impacted by the tragedy, she may have a delayed or persistent reaction
to the stress or loss. If your child's sadness is prolonged, talk to your
pediatrician or parenting professional.
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Put it into perspective. Remind your child that the hateful actions
of a few have been far exceeded by the kind and loving actions of many. Helping
your child focus on the positive actions of firefighters, police, healthcare
employees and regular citizens such as yourself, will allay your child's
fear that danger is ever present.
During this difficult time, be sure to give your child extra love
and attention. Regardless of your child's age, this is a scary time and she
needs reassurance that she is loved and cared for. Remember, providing your
child with affection and attention will go a long way to making her feel
safe.
Lynne Reeves Griffin R.N., M.Ed. of
Proactive Parenting
in Scituate, MA. is a writer, lecturer and consultant to parents, teachers
and health care professionals regarding child development, behavior management
and issues effecting today's parents. Lynne’s parenting approach,
Proactive Parenting
has been well received by parents, teachers, pediatricians and childcare
providers. For more information about services, workshops and fees, please
contact Proactive Parenting (781) 545-9689 or e-mail her
griffinl@mediaone.net
As a reminder, this information should not be relied on as
medical advice and is not intended to replace the advice of your child’s pediatrician.
Please read our full disclaimer.
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