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| Quick reference medical handouts used
by Pediatric offices |
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Adolescence (peers,questioning,rules)
Peer groups are important to every teenager. The
preadolescent looks to their family and teachers for acceptance and approval. As the child
enters the teen years, they look to their friends for the same understanding, support and
guidance that they once sought from their parents. After all, there is safety in numbers,
and friends are often more approachable than some parents. There may be times when the
teen will value their friends more than their parents. This gives peers a tremendous
influence on a teenager’s tastes, feelings and attitudes. Careless actions and
decisions based on friends’ approval can be devastatingly corruptive. Therefore,
parents must do everything to build up their child’s self-esteem so that they can say
"no" to negative peer pressure.
Not all peer pressure is bad. Much of it can be
very positive. Parents should therefore encourage their adolescent to participate in
organized sports or join Scout groups. Other sources of positive peer influences include
boy’s and girl’s clubs, church and synagogue youth groups, school leadership
organizations, and certain kinds of volunteer work, such as "candy striping" at
hospitals and nursing homes. In addition, getting to know the parents of the child’s
friends helps adults unite in establishing curfews and other limits. This helps defuse a
teen’s argument that "everyone else is allowed to do this."
Children who get involved with anti-social peer
groups usually have poor feelings about their self-worth. They have a need to be liked by
others and are unable to make decisions. Parents can help their teen resist negative peer
pressure by:
·Building up a child’s sense of self-esteem
very early in their lives.
·Giving children experience in making decisions
·Practicing assertiveness skills for the times
when the teen will have to say "no" in difficult situations.
·Discussing the teen’s fear of being
different. Explain that saying "no" can be scary but is the mature and
courageous thing to do.
·Setting a good example. Parents should say
"no" to their friends when they have to. This will teach a teen that it is
possible to say "no" and still have fun and have friends.
What should parents do when their teen is running
around with the wrong crowd? First, talk to the youngster and express concern. Perhaps a
compromise can be reached. If the child’s friends are using drugs, smoking, or
drinking alcohol, or urging antisocial behavior like truancy, shoplifting, or engaging in
other illegal activities, take a firm stand and do not waver. Believe it or not, teens see
limit setting as a form of love and caring, so parents should not be afraid to be
unpopular. There can be no compromise when the child’s health and safety are at
stake. The success parents have when forbidding negative friendships are greatly
improved when they have not overreacted to less important issues in the past. Parents
should seek professional advice if their teenager continues to follow a negative peer
group.
Questioning is how a teen
learns. At this age, they are trying to decide values and priorities. When asked about
their problems with parents, teenagers most often cite "not being listened to"
and "not being available for questions." An adolescent needs a trusted parent to
bounce off ideas and test views and philosophies. Therefore, give them undivided attention
when they want to talk. Turn off the TV, put down the newspaper and listen calmly.
Concentrate on hearing rather than preaching. In addition, keep the door open to any
subject. Teens often pay a very high price for not having the right information about many
things, including sex. If a teenager cannot open up to a least one parent, encourage them
to talk to a teacher, religious leader, school counselor, or another trusted adult.
Rules and limits are
necessary in our society and within a family. Some parents are afraid to set rules for
fear of hurting their teen’s feelings or losing their "friendship."
Remember, parents have a right and a legal responsibility (at least until their 18th
birthday) to make the rules for their child. In the process of setting limits, allow the
adolescent some input in establishing the rules. Draw up a written contact to eliminate
any misunderstanding and have both the teenager and parents sign it. Define those areas
that are not negotiable (curfews, chore completion, respect for family members, homework,
drugs and alcohol, etc.) that a parent can give a little (time on the phone, amount of TV,
etc.) and those which a parent will tolerate (clothes, hair styles, makeup, condition of
their room, etc.) In addition, discuss what happens when the rules are broken.
Different families expect different behaviors from
their children. One teen may be allowed to come home at any time, while another may have a
strict curfew. When parents and children disagree about rules, an honest exchange of ideas
will help. However, parents must be responsible for setting the family's rules and values.
Keeping unwanted behavior from happening in the first place is easier than stopping it
later.
As a reminder, this information should not be relied on as
medical advice and is not intended to replace the advice of your child’s pediatrician.
Please read our full disclaimer.
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